Pre-Life Crisis

Seriously, it is. I have transcribed the message I received this evening for your reading pleasure. Just a little background info for you.

I met this fellow this afternoon (I'd call him a gentleman, but wait till you read the message). I had a pillow with me at the place I met him, as I am now so sad and hurting that I take my little pillow with me wherever I go. I mentioned in passing that it was because my back is killing me after a car wreck. I leave the place where I met this person at around 7:00. I can tell he is putting the moves on me, so when he asks me if we can get together sometime as he'd really like to hear my campaign stories. I want to not encourage this, so I tell him that I'm busy tonight as I watch Desperate Housewives with my girlfriend on Sunday night. A cop out, I know, but I have yet to master the ability to say, "No, not really."

So tonight, I'm hanging out with Alison (my girlfriend, apparently) and about two minutes after Desperate Housewives ends, my phone rings. *I should mention before I forget that he did have my cell phone number in his phone because I called him earlier today.

**** HE IS CALLING ME AGAIN RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS. HOLY SHIT****

Okay, so more background, the transcript, and then I'll transcribe the next message for you. So yeah, he calls at 9:04 and leaves me the following message, which I have transcribed word for word, including ums and the like, just so you know that I am not changing a single letter of the hilarity of a message that you are about to read:

"Hey, uh, hey Rachel, it's _________ from ____________. You had talked about um having back problems stemming from a car accident. This is something that works for me because I've got I've got some back problems. I have, what I do, is I get massages from time to time. If you could get someone to do that, that could alleviate some of your problems. Um, If you'd like I could certainly offer my services to doing the massage. I admit I'm not professionally trained, but I do have a, I do have magical hands if I do say so myself. Um, but you certainly do, you certainly do not have to do that. Uh, anyway, I do reccomend massage outside of Advil. Anyway, I will talk to you later. Bye. Oh, give me a call if you want to, xxx-xxx-xxxx. Talk to you later, bye."

Now, a brief discussion. First of all, I had just left his company two hours and four minutes before he calls me. I am fabulous and wonderful, but please show some restraint! Second of all, I did not give him my number. I know it showed up on caller ID, but I don't thiank that authorizes you to save it and keep calling me. Third of all, DON'T OFFER TO GIVE ME A MASSAGE. Sorry for the all caps, but that is just some serious line-crossing, unless you're my girlfriend Alison of course.

I played the message for Alison and Angela, who immediately thought that I should let Alison call him back and tell him to "Keep it professional." I couldn't let her do that, as this guy seemed like a nice enough kid (he goes to a non-demoninational church, and I don't think he does the deed). I don't want to totally humiliate him or be rude, but this seems like a tad much to me. However, I have no interest in ever hanging out with him, ever.

Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this? As for an update, he didn't leave a message when he just called. I will have to respond to this by tomorrow I think. Finish laughing, and give me an idea.

By the way, if you know who the message-leaver is, or you think you do, please don't say on here as I would feel bad. See, this is my problem. I ask for help handling him, and I don't even want to say mean things on a blog he'll never read. Maybe I should just post his number here, and let y'all have a go at him for me.